Eliminating Stress with "Should Do" Management

We can categorize all the things in our life into three categories. 

Things we "have to" do.

Things we "should" do.

Things we "want to" do.

The "have to" items are things we are compelled to do.  They come from our values, habits, and experiences in our lives.  Paying bills, taking a shower, showing up to work, etc.  These things are not optional (hopefully).  The more successful you might be, usually is reflective of the number of items you have inserted into this column.  

The "want to" items are items we would like to do as often as possible but they really don't create stress in our lives if we don't do it.  Travel, sporting events, entertainment, etc.  They are things we do to reward ourselves for doing the "have to" things so well.

"Should do" items are the ones that give us the most stress and have the opportunity for the most potential success.  I should work out more, eat less, prospect more, call more friends, call more clients, go to church more often, and the list goes on.  These things not completed will create stress in our lives.  They keep us up at night.  They keep us from being successful when not complete.  But, when we do them, we have the greatest joy.  Every time I do those items above, I feel better about myself and I have more success.

Success increases when we turn the "should do" items that are critical paths to our success, into "have to" items.  When prospecting, eating healthy, going to church, etc., becomes part of the compelling and habitual part of my life, I will be more successful.  

This is a great concept but if it were easy we would all be doing it.  How do you turn "Should Do" items to "Have To"?  Only two ways that I know.  All around one word... accountability!

Internal and external accountability are the only ways I have seen habits created that make the should do items become have to items.  Internal accountability is when you simply decide it is gong to happen.  You create scheduling activities or force your behavior.  This is a rare success because most people don't have SEAL training and natural abilities to be this disciplined. 

External accountability seems to be the best source of real behavior change.  Tell someone else the behavior you have to change and ask them to hold you accountable.  This could be a spouse, a friend, a boss, a co-worker, or a mentor.  Someone that will consistently challenge you in the area you want to change.  Usually, the time frame is about 3 months to make something a "have to" item.

When you create this accountability and change behaviors to be consistent with your goals, you will find the stress will subside and the results will compound!  Try it and see what happens.

Bad news will get you chewed out... NO NEWS will get you Fired!

Over the last 25 years of being in and around business I have seen a  consistency with business owners.  None of them think they know everything (even though they may act as if they do) and they worry more about what they don't know than what they know.

These owners know about good and bad economic times, people issues, client problems, operational struggles and financial concerns.  They know, from history, what is required to pay the bills and meet client needs.

So, if they know all of these things... why do seminars, best practices groups, conventions, and consultants exist?  They exist because business owners are compelled to know what they don't know.  The things they don't know are what could put them out of business.

My first day on the job at a construction equipment rental, sales, and maintenance company taught me this lesson very well.  I was told to travel with one of our clients to a highway construction job site on my first day.  The trip took about 2 hours (one way) to get to the site, an hour at the site, and 2 hours coming home.  I didn't speak more than 5 minutes the entire trip.  The COO of this road contractor was one of the most successful contractors in the Western U.S. and knew that he had to teach me as much as possible in this trip.  I was going to be making decisions in the equipment company he was depending upon for his job success.

He taught me a lot about the business basics on the way to the site and then showed me how rock crushing equipment worked and how it processed to asphalt and was put on the road.  We stood on the crushing equipment while the rocks were being crushed and screened (I am sure I still have dust in places I can't mention).  I saw how critical every step was in the process and how much money could be lost if something went wrong.  He gave me insights to how much money could be lost if the operation were to be shut down for just one hour. 

When we finished he gave me a lesson that made an impact on my career.  He said "decisions are made in business based on what we know.  If we don't know something, we have to guess.  That is tough and risky.  When we know something it gives us confidence, "even if it is bad news or something we don't want to hear".  He concluded by saying, "A business owner craves knowing what they don't know so they can make better decisions and be more productive".

His message meant two things to me.

1.  If we know something (his machine can't be fixed in time or a rental machine won't be there on time, etc.) we have to tell him immediately upon learning so he can make the necessary decision.  If he doesn't know this information, no matter how bad the news is, he can't make a good decision.

2.  He wants to know any information that can help him run his business better.  If we have experience, best practices, ideas, or strategies that will help him be more successful, he is passionate about getting it.

What can a business learn from this lesson?

1.  Tell your clients any information that would be necessary for them to know, as soon as you learn the information.  Holding back information that could cause them to make a bad decision could be detrimental to your relationship with them.  My mentor at the job site above closed the day with a strong statement... "bad news will get your butt chewed out but no news will get you fired!".

2.  A client needs your expertise and advice.  If you have a method of giving them insights on their business with your expertise, and can put a plan together to help them be more successful, you will bring them value.  Don't just sell them your product.  That is not good enough.  Give them insights to best practices, cost reducing ideas, increased revenue opportunities, and anything they "may not know".  When you help them know what they don't know, you become more valuable.  When you give them plans to improve on "what they don't know", then you really become valuable.

Business owners want to be more profitable, help their clients, hire and retain top employees, and have great owner satisfaction.  Giving analysis and insights to help them with clarity and learning "what they don't know" is valuable.  Giving them a plan to improve their business, based on these insights, is a bonus.

Insurance Agencies in the Sitkins International Network use this model to help their clients.  The model begins by doing an analysis on the risk management issues in the company.  They identify, based on their strong expertise, where a business may spend money they don't want or need to spend in the areas of benefits costs and potential risk issues.  They focus on three areas of Total Cost of Risk and Total Cost of Benefits:  Preventive costs, direct costs, and indirect costs.  

The analysis is put into an indexing process to prioritize the risk management issues and give insights to what a business "may not know".  After the assessment is complete, the agency provides  a "plan" to help the client proactively manage these issues and reach specific goals.  

I have spoken to hundreds of business owners who have communicated the great value of this process.  The insights given from this process allows for them to know "what they don't know" and then have direction on how to improve their business.  

To contact a Sitkins International Agency, you can email Patrick@Sitkins.com and he will connect you with an agency in your area who does this analysis.

A Retirement Mistake

A woman in her 30's recently told me that she was not worried about over spending.  She said her parents are very wealthy and are going to leave her a ton of money.  She spends every dime she makes and actually runs into financial problems frequently because of her over spending.  

The family makes over $100,000 per year in income.  They have a nice home but they live on heavy amounts of credit debt.  They have spent more than they make and have maximized their borrowing capacity.  They are having to live paycheck to paycheck just to pay the debt service and basic living expenses.  They don't have any extra money to do the things they would like to do.  

The ironic aspect of this story is how her and her husband frequently complain about what they don't have and how unfair life is because of the financial struggles they live with.  

I have given them advice about cutting back and "investing" in their future by paying off debt and reducing the eating out and unnecessary disposable spending.  If they paid off the debt, backed off the demands of day to day expenses, and started saving some money, they could retire at a reasonable age and have a good life along the way.  Their response to this was, "we don't have to do that because my parents have a ton of money and we will get that inheritance."

Now, first of all, let me tell you my strong desire for my children to not meet these people and learn this philosophy.  I don't want my children looking at me like a hungry buzzard looks at a wounded antelope, hovering over it waiting for the poor animal to die.  This does not seem very healthy.  I also hope my children are able to see they probably won't see any of the inheritance until it is too late.  

The average age of death is in the 80s.  All my grandparents lived well into their 80s and two are almost 100 and still living strong.  That means my children will not see inheritance until they are at least 60 years old.  Then, many people find that the later years of a persons life can take all of their money due to medical costs or assisted living.  I would hate to bank on having my parents give me money for my retirement and then find out is was gone!  Kinda difficult to make money and start saving at that point in life.  Also, what about the 40 or so years prior to retirement.  Don't you want to have financial freedom during that time as well?

This woman and her family will probably continue to live paycheck to paycheck and have financial struggles.  They will reach retirement age and find a healthy and vibrant mother and father spending their inheritance.  Thus, they will continue to work and struggle.  They will end up like the majority of Americans... unable to retire and a burden to the rest of us who cut back and invested.

I know another woman who was divorced in her early 50s.  She didn't have a dime to her name.  She found a job making $10 an hour.  She simplified her life and only spent what she had to spend.  She put every penny over her basic living expenses into savings and investments.  15 years later she retired.  She had a few raises during that period but never made more than $15 an hour.  She is not almost 70 and lives in her own house, has money to pay her bills and doesn't have to work.  She doesn't live extravagantly but it taught me a couple of lessons.  Oh, I forgot to mention that she had always thought her parents would give her a big inheritance.  Her father passed away almost 12 years ago.  The money was much smaller than she thought.  The expenses to bury him and pay for estate issues was much higher than she thought.  Her mother continues to live (98 years old now) and the expenses for her mothers continued health and upkeep are very high.  She will received nothing from that inheritance.

The lessons learned:

1.  The earlier you start saving and investing, the better life will be when you can retire.

2.  If you save and invest, you can retire.

3.  Your parents money and wealth accumulation may not benefit anyone.  But, if the inheritance does have a benefit it should be to your children, not you.  Inheritance is usually two generations away.

4.  You can live a good life if you don't spend too much today.  Our family motto is "You can have what you WANT to have, if you do what you HAVE to do".  When you get this backwards, you will have a lot less.

If we can all heed this message and do the right things to prepare for later life, we will not be a burden and fewer people will be a burden to us.

Gene Upshaws Death - He Taught Me Great Lessons in Business and Life

We have lost a great man today.  Gene Upshaw passed on today due to cancer.  Gene was the head of the NFLPA, a great football player, and a great man.  This has brought back memories and great life lessons for me.  

First, the life lesson.  Cancer jumped up and bit one more person without warning!  Gene was diagnosed on Saturday with Cancer and died on Thursday.  WOW!  Next to immediate death due to an accident, how would that be for planning.  It helps us remember the reality of mortality. We don't have any promises of tomorrow, and we should live as if that could be true.  What would Gene have done this last week, month and year, had he known today was coming?  The life lesson for me is to live life without an entitlement attitude.  I am not entitled to tomorrow, therefore I will make today a great day in the life of those around me and thus, it will be a great day for me.

The memory for me is also life changing.  I was a replacement player for the New England Patriots in 1987.  I was asked to stay on the team through the remainder of that season because of roster increases after the strike.  I was a guy that was crossing the picket lines that Gene Upshaw had drawn.  My daughter had been born the first day of the strike and I accepted the call to the Patriots standing in the hospital looking at this little girl while wondering how I was going to pay for her birth and her life.  Wasn't much of a decision for me to cross the lines.

Many of the players were understanding of this decision but some were absolute jerks.  Guys like Craig James never spoke to me the entire season.  A couple of weeks after the strike I was in the locker room prior to a game when Gene Upshaw walked in the locker room.  He went from player to player getting acquainted and catching up with old buddies.  I was not near my locker and didn't have my jersey on, so he could not have known who I was.  I remember thinking "A rookie who was the 48th man on a 48 man roster who crossed the picket lines a few weeks earlier was not going to be one of his favorite people to speak to".  I was wrong on all accounts.  

He came up to me and said "Hey Linne, what's up man?"  I was floored.  He knew my name, spoke to me like he had known me all his life, and was eye to eye with me listening for my response.  He spoke with me for about 15 minutes just getting to know me.  No judgement, no condemnation, just a sincere desire to know me better and give me 15 minutes of his time.

This isn't the end.  A year later I was in San Diego, playing for the San Diego Chargers.  It was early in the season and he came to the stadium while we were arriving for a game against the Cowboys.  I was in my street clothes and walking across the field.  He met me at about the 30 yard line and said, "Hey Linne, what's up man?"  Now I was really floored.  He remembered me and spoke to me like I was his old friend.

What was the lessons learned?  

1. Learn peoples name.  They will respect it and appreciate that you care enough about them to remember.
   
2. Live your life for others.  Gene sincerely cared more about others and lived his life serving others.
3. Don't place a value on men.  Gene could have spent all his time with the superstars and the media.  He didn't.  He spent time with every man!
4. Forgiveness.  Gene knew I crossed HIS line.  He immediately forgave me and became my friend.

I don't know if Gene Upshaw would remember me if I were to run into him in the last year.  How could anyone remember the number of people he has known and served in his life?  I don't know but I would not be surprised if he were to see me in a grocery store and remember my name.  

Gene made a big impression on my life and I hope I can take the lessons I learned from him and make the same difference in someone else's life.

Gene Upshaw, I won't forget, Rest in Peace!

"Kill The Witch" - Group Think in Comedy

KILL THE WITCH

 

One of my favorite movies is Monte Python’s “In Search of The Holy Grail”.  A classic in most circles.

 

One of the most memorable parts of the movie is the “kill the witch” scene.  If you don’t remember it (or are one of the culturally challenged people who haven’t seen the movie) I will give you a brief recap.

 

A mob of people are parading a poor young woman through the streets of a medieval city.  They are all yelling “she’s a witch”, and “kill the witch”.  It is a mob scene with clear leadership and followers who don’t think for themselves.  They have a brief trial and ask questions to determine if she is a witch.  One person asks why they think she is a witch and all the people respond… “because She’s a witch”.  Finally they decide to go through a logical process to determine for sure if she was a witch.  The logic was that witches can fly, ducks can fly, and therefore if she weighs the same as a duck, she must be a witch.  They put her on the scales and it goes back and forth for a while until finally the scale shows an equal weight.  So, they conclude “she is a witch”.  Through the entire scene you see a mob mentality where a couple of highly opinionated and passionate people are pushing to get everyone to believe she is a witch.  The crowd wants to see something exciting and is looking for someone to tell them what to believe.  When someone with passion speaks, they listen and believe and become committed to what is being said.  GROUP THINK!

 

Again, this scene cracks me up.  Unfortunately, this is what happens in the U.S. and around the world daily.  We read and hear statements like “Obama is a radical Muslim” or “McCain doesn’t support any benefits for war veterans” in newspapers, internet, and on television.  We hear opinions about the economy and start selling off our stock, or quickly throw our house on the market because we are afraid of the price lowering too much.  Then we start sending those messages to everyone we know through internet or discussions.  None of these messages were ever verified for truth, but we act on them and continue the communication.

 

I saw a comedian a few weeks ago speak about how he saw a report that a politician didn’t support keeping guns out of the hands of children.  He continued through his act making fun of how people took off on the belief that the politician wanted guns in the hands of children.  It was hilarious.  Just as hilarious (and sad) as most of the news we hear and opinions that are stated in the media. 

 

The media is in the marketing business, not the information business.  They do not live to make sure you know facts and valid information.  They survive by SELLING you on keeping your attention.  They want you to read their material and watch them.  This does not require truth, morality, accuracy, or validity.  They have to get your attention and keep it.  This “marketing” strategy requires sensationalism headlines, bold statements, feel good ideas, villains, and heroes. 

 

If this wasn’t bad enough, now we have amateurs entering the game. Amateurs are not being held to the standards of educated and trained professional journalists.  But what sells is not journalism.  What sells is sensationalism, drama, heroes, and villains.  A quick picture from a cell phone or a radical blog will get on the front page of the internet, myspace, or YouTube, and we will all want to watch it.

 

Why is this important?  I have found in the last 10 years that one of the most powerful characteristics you can have is to know the facts that either support or refute what is being communicated through the media.  I’ve had numerous situations where people have sent emails or had discussions that I found to be very ignorant of the truth.  With grace (I hope), I have managed to tell them why their thinking is inaccurate.  Not that I have a corner on the truth, but usually I have done my homework and know enough about the topic to bring the truth to light. 

 

My challenge to all who desire true business acumen… read more than the headlines and verify everything for truth.